Breaking Free Read online

  “That last step is hard. I know. I wanted to be a SEAL before I signed the scholarship papers for college. But once I graduated, knowing what a commitment it was--it was hard to take that last step.” He glanced at her. “I’m ready when you decide you are. But we don’t have to be in a rush. Part of the excitement of being a couple is learning about each other.”

  Her throat tightened. Why had she ever been afraid? “I wanted to be a dancer before the accident. I was taking tap and ballet and had fallen in love with it. I had movies of Baryshnikov, Natalia Makarova, and several others. Daddy had put up a bar and mirror for me in the garage.” She smiled at the bittersweet memory. He had danced with her. He’d be Fred Astaire and she’d be Ginger Rodgers. At the time, she hadn’t known who they were, but the fact that he had tried to share a little of her dream--

  Hawk’s fingers tightened around hers and she looked up. His features had gone completely still with control.

  “It’s all right. It was just a little girl’s dream. The chances that I’d have been good enough to dance with a ballet troop were slim. I love my job. I love seeing someone walk when they don’t believed they ever will. I help people rebuild a part of the life they’ve lost. I think that’s more important than being on stage.”

  “Hooyah!”

  That one word said it all.

  Her nerves had receded completely when they pulled into the driveway at the house. Hawk held her hand as they went up the front steps. He released it to unlock the front door. He held it open and motioned for her to enter first. Just over the threshold her shoe snagged something and she stumbled. A loud whomp filled the enclosed space with a force that pounded her eardrums. At the same time, a flash of intense light seared her retina. Startled, she cried out. Hawk shoved her down and his large body covered hers driving the air from her lungs. The acrid smell of smoke filled the first breath she drew.

  “Stay down,” he ordered, his tone harsh with command. He jumped up, his movements cautious and quick, and disappeared down the dark hall.

  Zoe raised her head to look between the couch and chair and scan the room. White spots filled her vision but cleared quickly. A small blaze flickered in the center of the area rug in the living room. With every second that passed it grew brighter. She staggered to her feet and looked about for something with which to smother the flames. She jerked free one of the window curtains, threw it over the fire, and stomped on it. Puffs of smoke rose from beneath the fabric. The heat of the blaze penetrated her thin shoes.

  Hawk appeared from the back of the house, a gun in one hand a fire extinguisher in the other. “The house is clear.” He tucked the gun in the back waistband of his shorts, flipped the curtain aside, and sprayed it with the foam. His expression appeared calm but the quick way his gaze scanned the room, watchful and keen, gave her an idea of how he might behave in battle.

  “What was this?” she asked.

  “A stun grenade. We call them flash bangs. This one’s been modified otherwise all my windows would have been blown out.” He pushed aside the scorched fabric of the curtain baring a two foot wide burn in the center of the rug that went all the way to the hard wood floor beneath. He bent to run his hand under a thin wire and followed it to the door. “This is a trip wire. It was set up to go off as soon as someone hit it.”

  Zoe sucked in a harsh breath. “Why would anyone do this?”

  He remained silent a moment. He pointed to a watercolor seascape over the couch. The black words printed on the glass stood out against the muted background like slashes. It read ‘leave it alone’. The words sent prickles of shock and fear along her skin. She began to tremble.

  The sound of police sirens screamed from down the street. Hawk removed the gun from his waistband and, pulling open a drawer of the table by the door, placed it inside. He reached up and swung the picture down to lay it behind a chair.

  “We have to convince the San Diego police this was a prank, Zoe. There are too many things I can’t tell them. I think they’ll want to call in NCIS if they discover this involved real explosives.”

  “Then let them. Maybe we’ll finally discover what’s going on.” The idea brought a wave of relief so strong it eased some of her trembling.

  “And what if it’s something Brett’s gotten tangled up in?”

  Zoe studied his expression for a long moment. Was he really willing to overlook having his house set on fire? What if whoever it was escalated to blowing the place up? Was his loyalty to his Naval family so strong? God, did she even need to ask that? “Why are you protecting them?”’

  “Because we need to keep this in the family, and deal with it in house. For all we know, I’m protecting your brother, too.”

  She caught her breath as anger flashed through her. Brett wouldn’t be involved in anything illegal. She was certain of it. “What do you think he could have seen or done to cause this?”

  “I don’t know. But I intend to find out.”

  He was blocking her out again. First with his refusal to discuss his meeting at the shooting range, and now with this. Resentment burned through her patience. “We, Hawk. We, not I. If my brother’s involved, so am I.”

  A police cruiser screeched to a halt outside. Out of the corner of Zoe’s eye, she caught the flash of the lights atop the vehicle. She ignored it. “If I’m going to lie to protect them, you’re letting me in. Or I’m going to tell the police everything and let the fur fly.”

  His features tightened and his gray eyes went flat with anger. “I don’t respond well to threats.”

  “And I don’t respond well to being shut out when it affects someone I love.” Was she talking about Brett or him? God, she was wading through emotional quicksand and was sinking fast.

  Footsteps sounded on the porch and a harsh rap came at the door. “All right,” Hawk said, his tone grudging, sharp. “We’ll talk later.”

  “Good. And by the way, Bowie says we need to talk to Derrick.”

  As he worked that out, she jerked open the door and prepared to lie.

  CHAPTER 11

  Hawk stretched on the bed and stifled a yawn. He glanced at the clock. It read O eight hundred. Water running somewhere in the house sounded like distant rain. Obviously, Zoe was already up.

  His jaw tightened as the scene the night before played through his head. It had taken an hour to convince the two patrolmen that it had been a prank and not something more lethal. The experience had left him with an itchy feeling of guilt he hadn’t done a damn thing to earn. The raw edgy mood of the night before came roaring back with a vengeance. Zoe’d had the same look the night before.

  God damn it. Why did she have to be so insistent on knowing everything? She didn’t understand that he owed his loyalty to his men. And did she want to understand the military point of view as to information about those men? No. Stubborn---

  He drew a deep breath. The smell of smoke lingering throughout the house sent a spike of anger racing through him again. When he found out who was responsible for this, he was going to rip his head off and stuff it down his fucking throat. That it was one of his own men seemed impossible. A growl, part frustration, part anger tore loose.

  He shifted his knee back onto the pillow and grimaced. The joint continued to be sore, despite his careful adherence to the therapist’s orders. His experience with this minor injury was nothing compared to Zoe’s long-term struggle. God, she was tough.

  Last night, her limp had grown more pronounced. She needed to wear her brace more. She’d do well with a cane, but she’d never agree to use one. Would she still be as mobile in five years? Ten? Would she one day be in a wheel chair? Probably. His stomach clenched and he veered away from thinking about it.

  As he listened to the shower running, an urge raced through him to go down the hall and join her. That would rip aside this wall of anger and distrust that had suddenly thrust up between them. He would soap his hands and slowly run them over every inch of her skin. And end the anxious dance they were doing. She would off
er him the comfort--

  God, what was he thinking? It would probably send her into a self-conscious panic, before he ever got that far. With a sigh, he ran his fingers through his close-cropped hair.

  She had to lower the barriers when she was ready. If he pressured her too much, she might push him away. But damn, it was hard to wait. He’d never had to work this hard to earn a woman’s trust.

  Did the challenge she presented have anything to do with the strength of his attraction, or was it just, Zoe? If they did hook up, would his feelings change? Would his desire plane out like it usually did?

  The shower stopped. She’d go back to Kentucky eventually. The thought, like a warning, nipped at his half-aroused state with the coldness of reason. Zoe was attached to her family, really attached. The chances she’d stay out here ran from, not very likely to no F-ing way.

  She had a life in Kentucky, a profession she was licensed to practice there. So why was he getting involved with her? There were other women with a hell-of-a lot less baggage, who would stick around. Why was he putting so much effort into wooing her?

  Because he’d been hot for her since the first time he’d seen her.

  But then what?

  Was a short-term affair what she was looking for? A little experience under her belt? A little experience--Zoe was a virgin, he’d bet his SEAL insignia on it. And he’d be her first. The term virgin territory took on a whole new meaning as he allowed the implications to sink in.

  “Jesus.” He sat up, his heart pounding as though he’d done a five-K run full out. Zoe wouldn’t give herself lightly. He was already finding that out--first hand. He was suddenly hot and hard as a cruise missile. He groaned aloud at how his own thoughts ran to cheesy puns that did nothing to relieve the pressure. But she’d still leave and he’d have to deal with it, if he got in too deep.

  A loud thump sounded from somewhere down the hall and the water glass on his nightstand shook. He shoved off the bed to his feet, her name on his lips.

  “Zoe?” he yelled louder, two long strides taking him out into the hall.

  Her silence had him swearing as he broke into a trot, his knee protested. Her room was empty, and he passed on to the bathroom door. Resting his hands on the door facing, he called through it, “You okay, Zoe?”

  “I’m okay. I just have a Charlie horse.” Her tone sounded strained. “Just give me a minute.”

  A soft groan pumped his already galloping heartbeat up a notch. “I’m coming in,” he warned as he turned the knob. She was sitting in the floor clothed in lightweight pants. He caught a glimpse of lush, well-shaped breasts before she grabbed the towel from around her hair and covered herself.

  Ignoring the immediate punch to his arousal, he knelt on the ceramic tile at her feet

  Her features were set in a pained grimace as she kneaded the muscle. “God, I hate these things.”

  He brushed aside her fingers and began to rub and massage the knotted muscle vigorously. At first hard as a baseball, it suddenly began to relax and give beneath his fingers.

  Zoe bit her bottom lip and clenched her eyes shut. When her lids finally lifted and she looked at him, he relaxed a little. “Better?”

  She nodded. “Yes. Much.” She focused on his face, her expression serious. “This is kind of a thing with me.” Her tone sounded weary.

  “You mean after being on your feet a lot?” He shifted the movements of his fingers from rough to soothing and rubbed the pant leg up to her knee. Pinkish-white scars crisscrossed her calf like cracks in a hardboiled egg. Of course, both legs would have been injured in the accident. How much worse was the other one? He knew part of the calf muscle was missing.

  “Yes.” Her gaze traveled from the leg he was caressing to his face. And for a moment, her blue eyes probed his expression.

  “I get them, too, after too much exertion.” When she remained silent he asked, “Need a ride to your room or do you want to try and get up?”

  She bit her lip. “I can get up on my own.”

  Knowing she was now out of pain, he allowed his eyes to skim over the curve of her breasts visible above the towel. She looked so delicate. He ran his fingertips along her shoulder, his thumb tracing the fragile length of her collarbone. His hand looked dark against her fair skin. Feelings of protectiveness, tenderness, and desire crashed together inside him, making his voice husky. “I’ll help you up, just in case another one hits.” Rising from his kneeling position, he offered her a hand.

  Once on her feet, Zoe rested a hand against his chest and the heat of her touch penetrated his t-shirt as though it weren’t there. When she tucked herself against him, he slipped an arm around her waist while he ran his hand down her back to the top of the low-slung pants. Her hair, still damp, smelled like vanilla. He curved a hand along her hip turning her into him, letting her feel his reaction to her. His heart took up the rapid tattoo of machine gun fire when she drew a deep breath and released it, her breasts pushing against his ribs.

  “Sometimes, the way you look at me---,” she said, her voice a husky whisper.

  He knew what she meant. He’d caught a few of her unguarded looks that had grabbed him right by the libido, and left him breathless and aching.

  “I’d like to do more than just look.” He bent his head, and kissed her shoulder, his lips parted so he could taste the heat of her skin. She shivered in response and her hand curved around his neck, her fingers messaging his nape.

  “Come to bed with me, Zoe. We’ll neck, and touch each other, and make each other feel good.”

  She drew another breath and pressed closer to him. “God, I want to.”

  Her Kentucky accent, thickened with emotion, had him smiling.

  “But?”

  “It’s daylight.”

  “So?”

  “Hawk--You just saw some of my scars.”

  “Yeah, so?”

  “The rest are worse. I had to have skin grafts to cover some of the really bad injuries. They had to take skin from other parts of my body to do it.” She looked away. “I look like Frankenstein from the waist down.”

  “A few scars aren’t going to make a difference to me, Zoe.”

  “I’ve heard that before. And it did.”

  Following some of his earlier thoughts, the idea of her being with some other guy hit him with the kick of a grenade launcher. He grasped her arm. “Who was this fool?”

  Her eyes widened in shock.

  He forced himself to release her and take a step back. “Sorry--I just-.” Just went warrior at the thought of her giving herself to some other guy. Man he was getting in deeper and deeper. He needed to pull back.

  Hadn’t Clara said something about her suddenly growing more self-conscious about her leg in college? A surge of anger had heat rising in his face. That damn creep. “He was a fool, Zoe. A damn fool.”

  Her smile started out a small twitch of her lips and spread into a full-fledged grin. “Thanks.” She rose on tiptoe to brush her lips against his cheek. “He was.”

  She turned her bare back to him, and reaching for the t-shirt draped over the towel bar, shimmied into it.

  Hawk nearly groaned aloud.

  When she faced him, her expression had grown serious. “We need to talk about last night.” She hung the damp towel over the edge of the tub and took up her brush.

  Hawk drew a deep breath. “Yeah we do.”

  She ran the wide spaced bristles through the heavy mass of hair she drew over one shoulder.

  “I’m sorry you had to be grilled by the police.”

  Zoe shook her head. “I’m more concerned that someone we know actually set off an explosive device in your house. It just started a fire this time. They could blow the whole thing up next time.”

  “There isn’t going to be a next time, Zoe.”

  “You don’t know that.“ She laid the brush on the edge of the sink and drew a deep breath. “I’ve been up half the night thinking about this. You have to turn this thing over to NCIS.”

&
nbsp; “I can’t do that before reporting what’s happened to my CO.”

  She remained silent, but her jaw tightened. “Where do you think Flash got the money for the car?”

  “I don’t know.” He ran his fingers over his hair. “Some of the guys work security jobs in their spare time. I know Flash has done that in the past for extra money.”

  “I know about military pay. And with the cost of living out here---”Zoe shook her head. “To buy a sixty thousand dollar car--- it just takes my breath away to think about it.”

  “When you’re young and single and the only one you have to support is you, you can afford to do something extravagant---I guess.”

  “You’re young and single and I don’t see you doing stuff like that. You’ve poured every dime into this house, I’m sure.”

  “My mom left me the house and she had insurance that paid the mortgage off when she died. So, I guess I’m more financially secure than most of the team. Hell, most of the platoon.”

  “So why haven’t you been snapped up by some woman hungry for security and your killer body?”

  Her casual tone sounded forced as though she was uncomfortable asking the question.

  “It’s the hazards of the job, Zoe. It takes a special woman to stick around for the long haul once they get a taste of what it’s like to be alone for twelve or fourteen months out of a two-year span. And there’s the fact that I wouldn’t be there for someone if they got sick while I was out of the country, or had an emergency. I can’t offer the emotional security a guy with a nine-to-five job can.”

  “Maybe you just haven’t met the right kind of woman then. I don’t expect my family to be there for me constantly. I take care of myself. But I know I could depend on them if something came up.” she said, her voice soft, her features averted.

  Was she saying she was the right kind of woman? Could she live with the separations, the worry that he might not come back every time he went wheels up? The secrecy. She wasn’t doing so well with his refusal to call NCIS. How was she going to do when he refused to tell her anything about their deployments? The speculation had his emotional radar jangling with alarm.